feelings are gay.

Do you ever get a tight feeling in your chest when you think of something? I get it all the time. When I think about him before I go to bed, If I see his name on Facebook, when he signs into Skype. I don’t know what it means; If it means something bad or good. I get it when i’m sad and happy, when I worry, If I’m unsure. I want It to go away. It’s a recent development, I’m sure I’ve had it before but not this often. I’m at a loss for words and I’m scared. I’m scared he won’t be there. I know he’s true and I trust him more than I think I’ve ever trusted anyone. But I think I’m scared for the parts that I know he won’t be there for. I need to learn independence but I’m scared. Is that the feeling? Fear? Love? Uncertainty? I wish I knew, I hate this feeling. This constant weight on my chest.  

In other news, I feel like a little bitch being super sappy on tumblr. I don’t want to talk to people about something i’ve talked about a million times. It just feels good to write my feeling down. Especially when in real life I try really hard to not let people know my true feelings. Also I have this terrible problem where I can’t portray my feelings properly when I try to actually talk to someone. What it normally comes out as is ” this sucks balls and nothing is right; i’m gonna go cry in my room now, kthanksbye.”

ALSO, I have my permit now and have been driving around with my Dad. I have improved considerably in the last couple of days which makes me really happy. I can’t wait to get a car and be able to drive with my music and just go where I want to. baby steps to freedom.