2 Months

So it’s almost been 2 months since Zach left. At first I was relieved I suppose. But now there is just a loneliness. He is always in my thoughts. In our relationship, from the get-go, we were constantly together. We started sleeping together (nonsexually) after about a week. We were inseparable and I loved every second of it. I absolutely loved waiting for him to get home from work so I could kiss him and give him back massages. I loved waking up beside him and staring at each other from underneath the covers. I miss touching him and feeling like I was worth something to him. To go from having a constant companion to being ignored was annoying. I say annoying because I knew that he didn’t mean it and that there was a reason for his actions. But I was angry and thats why It was easy in the beginning. I was excited about my new-found freedom and the prospect of finding someone new. But when I went out and guys hit on me, I found that I was looking for things Zach did. Even making out with guys, I wanted them to be rough and kiss me with meaning, to bite my lip, to pull me in at the waist. Everything was lacking. And a part of me is really trying to entertain the idea of another guy. But a larger part of me says,”why bother?” “you already know who is for you”. But this is an opportunity. I feel like I could be with Zach for the rest of my life, have children, have a career that I love. Could I do that knowing that he is the only one that I’ve ever been with? my gut answer is yes, but my friends and family say that I would regret not being with another person. Even Zach has said that. So what do I do? I think at this point I’m just going to work and go to school, and just not even worry about guys. I just want Zach home. I don’t know that anything would improve, he may not even want to get back together for a while. But even if he’s not my boyfriend, I miss my best friend. I really really do.